


A Serious Mystery

by 2091shadowmew



Category: Homestuck, Problem Sleuth (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Minor Character Death, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 17:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6088534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2091shadowmew/pseuds/2091shadowmew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hysterical Dame and Nervous Broad are detectives in the Crime rattled Midnight City. When Ms.Paint comes in with a serious case, will the duo be able to solve it and make sure Ms. Paint stays in front of bars rather than behind them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Serious Mystery

**Author's Note:**

> If you are looking for an actual fic with mystery and intrigue you've come to the wrong place. This is going to be a journey of silliness and crack.

It was a muddy Monday morning. The smell of city rain still hung over the office, the outside was a muted grey. The papers and pens were left organized on the desk from the empty weekend. It was always such a delight to step into a clean office to start off what would be-with any hope -a messy uncontrollable week filled with tons of work. The clock on the wall was broken.

“B, do you have the time?” 

A quiet shuffling and rummaging occurred before another voice came from the other room, “Half past ten. Why? Expecting someone?” 

“Nah. Just getting antsy,” Hysterical Dame grabbed one of the pens and started flicking it around between her fingers.

Her and Broad had been working the detective gig for about a year and a half now. The two of them worked together like a well oiled machine. They got cases and they got them done as quickly as they could. Dame tended to work on hunches, gut feelings, working as fast and recklessly as possible. Broad on the other hand tended to be more meticulous, plotting out the could have beens and should have beens in the cases. She had a keener eye for clues than Dame could ever hope to -at least when it came to the visual. Dame tended to handle finding the fallacy in people’s words. 

There was a chime at the door and they both turned. Walking through the door was a rather plump woman. She sported a long white rain coat with yellow trimmings, if that didn’t scream posh little prospitian, Dame didn’t know what did. The woman put her coat’s hood down and Dame stood up abruptly. 

“Paint? Dang honey, what brings a lass like you to a place like this?” Dame walked over to take her coat and Paint waved a hand in front of her. 

“I thought it would be better to come to you two first. You always did tell me if I got into any trouble...well it’s easier than talking to the police right?” 

Broad pulled out a chair, “What kind of trouble did you get into? I hope it’s not gang related. We deal with those buffoons enough -though I of course would be happy to deal with them if they...are giving you trouble.”

After a moment Paint gave up her coat to Dame who hung it and then sprang back to her desk. Broad leant against the desk as Paint took a seat in the chair pulled out for her. Paint tugged at the cloth of her shirt for a moment before looking over the desk.

“I hate to be a bother, but do you have a pad of paper. My mind works better in writing than-” 

“Sure thing sweet stuff,” Dame shuffled around in her desk drawer before broad took the pad of paper from the drawer beneath it and handed it to Paint, “Right. There you go.” 

She began to write down what appeared to be an address, “I made a friend before the city was built. He took me in after the mass exile, I don’t know how he survived here but he did. He treated me right, gave me food, nice place to stay. He was real nice even if he was a bit eccentric…” 

She huffed out a sigh, closed her eyes and then started again, “Once the city was built here and all these people were beginning to make lives for themselves I decided I wanted to give it a try. He told me I could come back if things didn’t work out, or to tell him of my grand successes, anything I needed or wanted really.”

Dame rested her chin on the back of her hand, “Sounds like a keeper.” 

Paint let out a small laugh before tapping the pen to the paper, “Oh it was never anything like that. It was more kinship than anything else. But I’d visit him every Sunday morning at ten am. Or as close as I could get to that. He lived outside the city and I don’t have my own car so transportation was rough sometimes. But I always managed to get there on Saturday. Latest by 12.” 

Broad looked over the pad of paper, Paint had been copying key phrases she was saying. Trying to organize her thoughts. They would be useful for later, “I suspect you didn’t make it quite so early this Saturday?” 

“Exactly. I...got caught up in some outing on Friday night. I ended up staying out much longer than I had hoped to and lost track of time. I don’t normally sleep in past seven but I woke up at one. I went to see him but by the time I got there it was already three in the afternoon and...I went up to the door. Knocked, rung the doorbell, yelled up to him if it was alright if I came in…”

Dame took her hand away to rest it on the other hand, “He was dead.” 

“Yes.”

“It’s easy to blame yourself in a situation like this,” Broad put a hand on Paint’s shoulder, “It might not have been any different if you had shown up on time. It could have been worse if you were there. But there’s no sense in worrying yourself over what could have been.”

“We’ll find whoever killed him and make sure they get the punishment they deserve.” 

“Thank you. I would have gone to the police but…”

“Tell you what, I’ll take you down to the police chief’s office and let you tell him what you told me. I got a few things to say to him anyway. Broad you can go take a look at the scene, take any photos you need, get some prints, whatever you gotta do. We’ll meet at AR’s little shim sham of a police bin once you’re done.” Dame picked up Paint’s coat and helped her put it on before grabbing her own.

Broad grabbed her coat and shook her head as Dame looked through their case files for a folder with a red sticker on the front, “Dame if you’re going to use that blackmail already- It took days for me to get it and weeks for me to purge my mind of it -I just...can’t you use any other blackmail we have. AR has plenty of things to incriminate him-”

Dame opened the door for Paint, “Aw come on Broad. Where’s the fun in using lowbrow blackmail when you got all the candid good stuff right in the palm of your hand?”


End file.
